my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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