I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
