I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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