My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
