The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
