Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
