she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
