Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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