i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
