I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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