are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize