Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
