and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize