I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
