I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
