im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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