clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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