I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
