Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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