I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
tell me about the fingering
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
