I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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