Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
