No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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