I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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