three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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