i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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