just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
