My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
God, I missed his penis.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
