The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
