May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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