there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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