Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
