I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
