Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
