you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
