rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
