It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
