I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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