he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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