My brain says no but my pants say off.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize