Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
