apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would ride that face into the sunset
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
