Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
