so explain again why im purple
no
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
