He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
