I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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