Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
