she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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