two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
