I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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