I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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