he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
