Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
