Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i've created a new STD.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
