i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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