I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
