Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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