One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
