I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
