I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
