I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
