Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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