he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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