You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
