dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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