the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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