Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize