im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
