Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When are your genitals available?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
