I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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