do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
