I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
