This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
