How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
