Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
