I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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