somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Two words: blizzard sex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize