'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
