i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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