she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
