I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
