this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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