Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
