Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
