3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
