Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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