Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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