that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
