You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
