so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
