I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
is it fun? or sober?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
