So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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