mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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