Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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