Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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