Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
