New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
