Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will pee on everything he values.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
