Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
